Embracing the Power Within: How My Experience with Covid-19 Inspired Me to Re-Commit to Expression

In 2021, after a challenging struggle with the Delta variant of Covid-19, I had a revelation that reaffirmed my life's purpose. The Lord has a way of taking a concept He has already taught us and presenting it again in such a profound way that we understand in our soul realm. This realization came to me after enduring the worst symptoms of the virus.

For nine days before returning to the hospital, Covid was relentless. Looking back, it reminded me of the scarlet fever I had as a child, the severe chickenpox in middle school, my chronic asthma, and the painful ovarian cysts I dealt with as an adult, all combined into one feverish, bone-shilling, out-of-body ordeal. The virus seemed to target every ailment or weakness my body had experienced. Yes, my left ovary hurt unbearably throughout the ordeal, revealing an existing issue. I felt pain deep in my bones and struggled to breathe. I hallucinated and at times couldn’t distinguish if calls from friends and family were real or part of my constant dreaming. I was aware I had one foot in this world and the other pointed elsewhere. Aside from the illnesses mentioned, I rarely got sick and had always been on the caregiving side. I had cared for my great-grandmother, my mother, helped with my father, and looked after my children, who were chronically ill at different times. I guessed it was my turn, so of course I had to make a big splash of it. Covid leaves you to fight alone, but God doesn’t. He watches over you even when you’re unaware. And one thing I know is, when the heat rises in your trials, it isn’t the Lord turning the dial. He stands with you in the furnace, and your healing already begins!

God, who knows the full extent of our stories, chose to keep me in this world. He decided this for me long before it happened. Whether I was faithful or when I faltered and needed His mercy, He had already chosen it. A year before this Covid experience, I went to get my birth certificate and was told by a clerk, visibly shaken, that I was listed as deceased. That moment was dramatic for me. It was like the past years flashed before me, and I realized I hadn’t truly been living. I had been giving away my gifts and hiding the grace I possessed. The pressure of people expecting me to act in a self-defeating way, because I had taught them to expect it, was breaking me. I was on a path fueled by my tendency to please others.

But here I was at a potential impasse, and the Holy Spirit used this time to redirect me. He didn’t allow this to harm me but to reignite me. The Holy Spirit infused me with correction, grace, and mercy. This sharing isn’t about correction due to a life of sin. It wasn’t about past mistakes or times I faltered. No, it was about something Believers often do: replacing God’s path for me with a diluted version of my own. Like Jonah, I rerouted my life to stay within my comfort zone rather than embrace the destiny God had for me, a destiny that, like all of us, required me to be courageous and at times uncomfortable.

The Covid-19 ordeal became a catalyst for change. As I recovered, I sensed a spiritual reset. I felt the loss of friends and familiar things, but it was part of God's plan to redirect me. God knows what we need and gives us time to align with His will. When we resist, He guides us back to the right path, even if it means our re-route is in the Belly of The Whale. The process is painful, but dying to our own will often is. When we spend years living half of our potential, the Lord allows the fire to burn off codependency and the things that shield us from honoring God through our expression.

As I recovered, I heard God ask, "Are you going to express yourself?" This wasn’t just about words; it was about fully embracing and living out the purpose God had for me. It was a call to authenticity, to share my gifts and story with the world, despite challenges or fears. God reminded me that my expression mattered, that my life was a unique brushstroke on His canvas, meant to reflect His glory. It’s a question embedded in my spiritual DNA. I am here to express the gifts God gave me. Freely He gave them, and freely I am to use them. If you have experienced God, you know that when He asks a question, He already knows the answer. God’s questions bring us clarity. They point us back to His answer. When He asks, the answers flow into you. God explained this: “Expression is the vehicle for your gifts.” You can have gifts, but if never expressed, they never achieve the end I have for them to nourish others’ lives. Just as fruit ripens to maturity and provides nourishment, which ultimately ferments the Earth for another cycle of expression, so are your gifts intended to enrich.

God was never deceived by my partial presence. He wants us to be comfortable with ourselves, to express ourselves without fear. He can fully use a person who is vulnerable and committed to their own value in the Kingdom. He can flow through us when we clear the path for genuine expression, free ourselves from our limitations and shackles, and think with our spirits and not our lived experiences- then, as His word says, "He will renew our waste places and set our captive minds free. "You are free to embrace every aspect of your existence, to express yourself fully. You can release the things that gatekeep your best living and instead, be a living testament of the abundant life that belongs to every Believer through your genuine expression.