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  • Writer's pictureNicole Wade

Give yourself the love you desire from others

I had a revelation recently that I am sure will change the way I think forever. On second thought, I'm pretty sure I have had this revelation before and even practiced it when I was much younger and wiser. Wisdom has to be recycled over and over. Sometimes we forget that time is really irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. What matters is that we learn the lessons and practice living them.

I have spent more time than I would like to admit, regretting decisions that caused heartbreak and thinking over the what's and the why's of relationship failures, asking all of the questions we tend to ask. The "wasn't I enough", questions we ask ourselves? I have waded in the waters of other people's pools wondering why I couldn't flow with them. I have been through enough relationship let-downs to know a little something and I've got the receipts of healed emotional traumas to never want to do go that route again.

But one day I prayed. I hadn't truly prayed about heartache in some time because of the shame that I had been down this rode again, and I knew better. But, God has grace enough to not take score on how many times it takes us to learn. As if The Father was waiting for for my prayer, He answered me back quickly, "Be". "Just be the love and attributes you are seeking from those you want to love you." Now if you have ever had an occasion to hear God, you know that when He gives you a message, He also helps you understand what it means to your situation. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace after receiving this message, like a baby who had been crying for consolation for too long and finally received it, the peace came. Eyes heavy with tears, my heart began to come in alignment. The only two things that were different about this day was that I decided to utter a prayer for assistance and God answered.

I had been doing myself a dis-service as we often do when we have not truly loved ourselves. Our lives tell on us when trouble comes. We cannot hide when we have not been caring for our own hearts. Had I been as kind to myself as I would be to anyone else? Had I been as understanding and compassionate? God's response to me suggested that I needed to change something. I had always expected "myself" to be unconditionally kind to others, but I hardly ever expected to receive it back. One life event can negatively shape our thinking towards ourselves if we aren't careful. It can cause us to normalize negative outcomes. Be sure that how you see yourself is your reality and it will dictate how you respond to life and what you get back from it. God gives us our own little universes where we can will things within His free will. In the same way, we can chose the way of love which always aligns with His perfect and divine will. Once we chose to align with it, we align with love, peace, and a joy that surpasses understanding. So, with this, I am grateful for the heartbreak because the lesson needed to be re-taught in such a way that I would be open to listen. I will no longer expect from others anything different than I give to myself. It's that simple.

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